A Tale of Two Enzos: The Chelsea Summer Grab Bag
New coach, new kits, new… controversy? Yep, feels like July.
Between the Euros, the Copa América, and the slew of annual transfer rumors, it’s hard to believe that pre-season training has only just begun. But it’s true, and with the start of the 2024-25 season less than a month away, it seems like as good a time as any to catch up on what’s been an active summer for the Blues.
We’re Enzo Maresca’s Team Now
Slowly but surely, Pep Guardiola is becoming the Nick Saban of the Premier League as his coaching tree grows yet another branch this summer with the appointment of his former assistant coach Enzo Maresca as Chelsea’s new manager. Is this a good hire? I believe it is. Why? Well, he speaks like Pep. He coaches like Pep. Hell, he even kind of looks Pep.
While I was a big fan of what Poch did with the team over the latter half of the season, it seems pretty clear that he was not fully onboard with the Clearlake vision for the team, its transfer policy, and where the head coach (read: not manager) fits into that. As such, we bid the friendly Argentine adieu, may he find greener pastures (or take on the cursed job of leading the USMNT, either/or).
By just about every metric, Maresca had a terrific first and only season leading Leicester back to the top flight with a first place finish of 97 points and 48 GD, both of which were top of the table. He got a big season out of Stephy Mavididi, helped bring Jamie Vardy back from the dead, and turned Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall – a player he liked so much that he brought him along to Stamford Bridge – into a bonafide offensive threat in the midfield.
Will all of this translate to Premier League success, aka a top-four finish with a team who just started to gel at the end of a tumultuous season only a few months ago? We shall see. Maresca and Poch have different personalities (the former being much more comfortable speaking to the media in English) and different tactical systems (you can read all about that here).
Moreso than anything, I just want to see a fully fit squad finally. We’ll never know what Poch could’ve done with the best Blues on the squad, but don’t forget that Maresca will have to figure out how to reintegrate and rotate the following list of dudes who were either fully or partially hurt or fell out of favor with Poch throughout last year: Reece James, Ben Chillwell, Trevor Chalobah, Wesley Fofana, Levi Colwill, Romeo Lavia, Carney Chukwuemeka, Lesley Ugochukwu, and Christopher Nkunku. Good luck, Enzo. You’re gonna need it. Speaking of Enzos…
The Other Enzo Development
The Copa America came to a close last weekend and, to no one’s real surprise, Argentina won handedly. Colombia played their hearts out in the final, Uruguay were an absolute murderhorse (is that a thing?) to behold (Bielsa + Darwin Nunez, aka the real murderhorse = obliteration), and Brazil did Brazil things. Not to pick on Brazil, or 17-year-old wunderkind Endrick, who is heading to Real Madrid and almost sure to be an international star by the next Copa, but this one stat explains their entire tournament in a nutshell. Brutal.
As such, Argentina took home their second consecutive Copa, the second bookend to a four-year stretch that also included their World Cup victory. Unfortunately, Chelsea’s one Argentinian player decided to broadcast his team after the win while they were singing an abominable song created by some fans at the 2022 World Cup that involves chastising French players of Angolan descent and Kylian Mbappé’s former relationship with a trans woman.
You can read more about the absolutely disgusting display here, but since the initial clip of the team singing on the bus post-win went viral, Wesley Fofana (remember him?) has vocalized his thoughts on the younger Enzo’s behavior, essentially drawing a line in the sand at Chelsea between the team’s #8 and the French-African players who make up most of the line that play directly behind him – not to mention his two regular midfield partners in Christopher Nkunku and Moises Caicedo, who is not French, but is also of African descent.
Sadly, this whole mess is going to cast a shadow on the pre-season and, while Enzo did post an apology in English (in comic sans no less) on his social channels, it’s sure to create a huge, very understandable riff in a locker room full of young dudes. There’s no clear way for Enzo Fernandez to come back from this and it adds a whole other element for Enzo Maresca to worry about as he tries to implement his style of play and overall vibe upon the squad. We can only hope that the team’s able to engage in some sort of dialogue, but if you’re one of the players that was targeted by the Argentina national team’s shitty song, why would you even grant little Enzo that much?
Chelsea’s Showing at the Euros
Who would’ve thought a year ago that two of the most important players in the Euro final not named Yamine, Nico, or Danny would be Marc Cucurella and Cole Palmer? Simply wild.
Of any Blues players, these two made their mark at the Euros most clearly and concretely. Cucurella, who was labeled as a weak spot on the Spain squad by Gary Neville of all people, was one of the shutdown defenders of the entire tournament, responsible for annoying the absolute shit out of Bukayo Saka throughout the final.
Conversely, while Palmer didn’t get as much playing time as he, Chelsea, or the entire nation of England might’ve liked, he did set up Olly Watkins for the game-winner vs. the Netherlands and scored the equalizer against Spain in the final. It’ll be a big what if in terms of the potential impact he could’ve made with more playing time, but one thing’s for sure: the coldest lad on the field, and master of the 11th century haircut, is going to be a big part of England’s plans at the next World Cup, regardless who takes over for Gareth Southgate, and hopefully an equally focal point for the Blues this season.
Blue Flame or Lava Lamp? You Decide.
Look, last season’s Chelsea home kit was cool in the sense that it was a pseudo-classic design sans a sponsor, which made it kinda neat and unique. But it was also quite boring (although the graph paper-inspired third kit slaps in my opinion).
All of this leads us to the fiery new kits that were just released and inspired by “the hottest flame, which burns blue.” Uh, sure. They’re also kinda giving 90s jazz cup meets lava lamp and blue Gatorade. I also feel like Cole Palmer might’ve designed them between matches at the Euros and the team decided to humor him because we are literally Palmer’s team now.
Regardless, it’ll be fun to watch the squad running around in something that looks a little less like a primary color paint swab and a little more like whatever Mikaylo Mudrik injects into his butterfly neck tattoo to keep it so bright and shiny. Moving on.
The Summer Transfers So Far
A new keeper! A new striker! Another winger? I’ve heard rumors about everyone from Victor Osimhen and Nico Williams to Jan Oblak and Jamal Musiala, all of which seem to be negative amounts of true. So instead, here are the facts.
The Blues have so far signed the following six players (with ages, positions, and most recent teams included):
Tosin Adarabioyo, 26, CB from Fulham
Estevao Willian, 17, RW/LW from Palmeiras (he’s set to make the move next summer)
Omari Kellyman, 18, CM from Aston Villa
Marc Guiu, 18, CF from Barcelona
Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall, 25, CM from Leicester City
Renato Veiga (fuck yeah), 20, DM/CB from Basel
The team has also released or accepted transfers for eight players, including Thiago Silva, Lewis Hall, Omari Hutchinson, Hakim Ziyech, and Ian Maatsen (this one hurts), along with a few younger academy grads.
Will there be a splashy signing before the season starts in mid-to-late August? Maybe? But also, with the return to full health of guys like Reece, Chillwell, Nkunku, Fofana, and Lavia (god, remember Romeo Lavia? Me neither), it sort of feels like the team is bringing in some huge signings to add depth, create competition, and add much needed fire power to the team without having to spend another half a bill.
It seems like they could still use some more strength up top, but with Benjamin Šeško staying put at RB Leipzig and Osimhen seemingly set to join PSG, Villa’s 20-year-old Jhon Duran might be the most likely addition. Although, would it kill the Blues to get someone with a little more experience in the building? Seriously though. Tune in to find out (somehow) one month from today.
